Dr. Janis Thayne of Brandine University
may have made a great medical breakthrough
purely by accident. Golf on television is an effective treatment for insomnia. If her preliminary results stand up to further
testing, then even the most chronic cases of sleeplessness can be relieved by
placing the patient in a recliner chair, and turning on golf.
"I was taken aback," said Dr. Thayne, "My father has battled insomnia since puberty. Until now, I had never seen him fall asleep. Neither had my mother, or anyone else. While visiting my family over the holidays, I turned on a golf tournament hoping to see Tiger Woods. In just a few minutes, I turned toward my father, and noticed that he was fast asleep. I yelled, 'Dad,' and he woke up. I told him that he had just been asleep, but he told me that wasn't possible. I decided to watch him closely for the rest of my visit, and the pattern continued. If golf was on, he would nod off, and only with golf. He would stay awake for anything else, even for bass fishing."
Doctor Thayne told us that when she got back to Brandine, she put out a call for students and faculty with insomnia. "All three test subjects who have responded so far have fallen asleep. Like my father, they were placed in soft chairs with golf on a television set in front of them. They remained awake when other programs were shown, or when the TV was turned off. This could be the breakthrough of my career. It could be even bigger discovery than subliminal messages hidden in advertisements, especially since I don't have to share this discovery with Dr. Reynard Osborne." She intends to study this phenomenon further, and will report back when she has more results. Dr. Thayne also will share her findings with other researchers once a larger pool of test subjects have been studied.