As you may have read previously in GOOD NEWS FOR VEGETARIANS: MEAT THAT GROWS ON TREES, New Dawn Biotech has genetically engineered a vegetative meat, making the slaughter of animals unnecessary. Previously, we did not have a picture, but our man inside New Dawn has smuggled one out. As you can see, Thick juicy steaks are growing on the vine.
Our man inside has told us that that the first batches of Treemeat have shipped. It will be sold at Piggly Wiggly supermarkets, A&P, and Food Lion grocery stores.
"This worries me," said our man on the inside, who is employed as a custodian. "They have not solved the problems that they have noticed with treemeat at all They just rushed it out the door! It will attract flesh eating termites. It may still contain cancer causing substances, and it's unstable DNA could turn people who eat it into mutants! They don't care. New Dawn Biotech only sees dollar signs. Everything they make turns out to be a Frankenstein. People will flock to having the taste of meat without cruelty to animals, but it is just not natural. I shudder to think what might happen now."
You are free to eat whatever you like, but THE UNCOVEROR advises everyone who shops at A&P or Piggly Wiggly, and Food Lion to leave Treemeat there. You will recognize it by this logo.