PARIS HILTON DITCHES "THAT STUPID DOG"

By Colleen Smith, Staff Reporter

Hotel Heiress Paris Hilton has gotten rid of her once beloved Teacup Chihuahua, Tinkerbell. This comes as quite a surprise considering that she once threw a fit thinking the pup had been dognapped, and put up missing dog posters. It turned out that she had only left Tinkerbell at her Grandmother's house, and forgotten. Now the pooch is at her mother Kathy Hilton's house, where she has viciously bitten a TV producer.

Some press reports have suggested that the miniature canine had gotten fat on table scraps, and was now too heavy for Paris to carry around in her purse. I did not believe that, so I decided to bypass her publicist and get it straight form the horse's mouth, so to speak. It turns out that neither little Tink's vicious streak, nor her increasing size was what got her dumped. Hilton had this to say: "I have given up on that stupid dog. I tried and tried and tried to teach her to talk like the Yo Quiero Taco Bell dog, but she like just never figures out like how to do it. I am like not wasting any more time! Nicole Richie said that dogs can't really talk, but she's stupid too! They like couldn't put it on TV if it wasn't true, you know. That would be like against the law! I am starting all over again with a new puppy." The new dog's name is Bambi.

Not only is Tinkerbell kicked to the curb, but Hilton and Richie are no longer friends. At this time, Fox television insists that their series, The Simple Life, will continue with both of them whether they like each other or not, but Paris Hilton is insisting that Richie be replaced. Some have suggested Tara Reid as a replacement, but Paris Hilton says that the leading candidate to be her new co-star is Anna Nicole Smith. "Nicole Richie, Anna Nicole Smith, they both have Nicole in their names, you know. The people watching TV won't be able to tell the difference, or like won't care. Besides, they only watch to see me."

There you have it! The cat is out of the bag; or the dog, as it were.