By Colleen Smith, staff reporter

I recently attended a press conference with Tony Snow, President Bush's new pretty boy press secretary. The question of whether Iraq is in a state of civil war came up, and it really set him off. This was his response.

"Some of you in the media, especially the hippie liberal types, have been saying that Iraq is in a state of civil war, or sliding toward civil war. Nothing could be further from the truth. In spite of all of you allegedly having college educations, you obviously have no clue what those words mean. 

In a civil war, the southern half of the country would be fighting the northern half in organized armies. The north would be carrying the old flag, and the south would have a rebel flag, you know, the stars and bars. These are the undeniable characteristics of a civil war. Without them, you don't have one. You all are on and on about the Sunnis and the Shiites, allegedly two sects within Islam, but wars aren't fought over religion! Besides, The President doesn't even know who you are talking about. This is about the Iraqis. They are one group of people.

Now let's look at Iraq. The scattered and unconnected acts of terrorism by the insurgency are not based on geography at all. I haven't seen any rebel flags over there. Besides, the insurgency is in it last throes. We are about to turn the corner, and the terrorists are giving up. Civil war? That's just silly."

You can do more than read about Iraq online, such as getting help to buy a computer or find new Christmas ideas for home. Whether you're looking for Christmas crafts or you want to know what new parts to buy you can get help on the web.