NEW NINTENDO PORTABLE TO BE CALLED "WEEWII"
By Colleen Smith, Staff Reporter
To compete with Sony and Microsoft producing portable versions of their console systems, and as a follow-up to their own hits DS and Gameboy, Nintendo will soon introduce a new portable. It will be a smaller version of Wii, the system previously known as Revolution. This new mini system, I kid you not, will be called "WeeWii".
I talked to a company spokesman at E3 named Hiroshi, who told me more about the unit. "The Wii has been the highlight of this show, and our new portable version will be unveiled soon. We have decided to use the Gaelic word for small to describe the system, and have thus dubbed it 'WeeWii'. I imagine that in addition to its meaning of 'a little Wii', some will also think of 'Yes, Yes' in French. Nintendo is confident that no one will bother with Sony's PSP or any Microsoft player when they have their WeeWii available!"
I laughed out loud at what I thought was a little joke about boys and their toys, and asked him if players would need to worry about going blind, or growing hair on their palms. I also asked if video game fans don't already play with their wee-wees enough. He looked at me with a confused expression. I pointed out to him what I thought would be obvious, that a wee-wee is a children's slang term for a certain male body part, and that that this name would make more people giggle than Wang Computers.
Hiroshi said, "I guess you must be on Sony or Microsoft's payroll the way you are dismissing Nintendo, but I would not if I were you. Mario WeeWii and Starfox WeeWii have scored well in focus groups." I told him that I wasn't dismissing Nintendo, but I just could not believe that their focus groups failed to point out that little kids call the penis a wee-wee. He said "No one in Japan calls it that. You Americans have the strangest names for things. Since I have never heard of this, it must be the colloquialism of a small region. This has not stopped Hostess from selling 'Ding Dongs' snack cakes. They are highly popular! Everyone knows that Ding Dong is the sound made by a bell, any other meaning that a few silly Midwesterners attribute to it is irrelevant. The WeeWii will be no different." I replied, "Is that a WeeWii in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" He got offended by that, and wouldn't talk to me any more. What a dork! Why I have to be the one to go to these things is beyond me. I will have to ask the managing editor why he doesn't just send one of the guys. Us girls don't care about this stuff!
Anyway, there you have it. By this time next year you will be able to play with your WeeWii in public, and no one will say boo about it. You might still get in trouble if you whip it out at work or in school, though.