by Ben Radstein, staff reporter

The Montreal Expos were almost dissolved after the 2001 season. If it weren't for the objections of the players union, they and the Minnesota Twins would no longer exist. Instead, the Commissioner's office agreed to relocate the Expos. After much delay, and playing a limited number of games in San Juan, Puerto Rico, a decision has been reached. In 2005, the Expos will become The Las Vegas Gamblers. This information comes to The Uncoveror from a high-level insider at Commissioner Bud Selig's office.

Major League Baseball is coming to Sin City. This is bad news for many who don't want gambling anywhere near the game, and people in Washington D.C., San Juan, and Portland, Oregon who had also hoped to land the franchise.

Critics are bound to be up in arms over this development, but they haven't heard anything yet. Current manager Frank Robinson is out of a job. The manager of the Las Vegas Gamblers will be none other than Pete Rose; he will be reinstated at the end of the season to make this possible.

"Looking back," said my source, "this was inevitable. Baseball is a competition, and it is only natural for people to want to wager on it. If you can't beat them, join them." He went on to say that players and managers will still be barred from betting, just as jockeys may not wager on horse racing, but fans will have pari-mutuel wagering right in the ballpark at soon to be constructed Caesar's Palace Field.

"A combination ballpark/casino is a natural development, and all in the spirit of competition. Caesar's Palace Field will have slot machines, roulette, keno, poker, blackjack and all the gaming choices Caesar's Palace patrons have come to expect. Instead of costumed mascots, The Gamblers will have showgirls to lead the fans in rooting for the home team. I just can't wait for next season. This is going to be big."

This may cross the line between reporting and editorializing, but I thought Baseball had gone too far when Crunch 'n Munch replaced Cracker Jack at Yankee Stadium. This is beyond the pale!