By Ben Radstein, Staff Reporter

After numerous letters from Gene Ray of Timecube.com and his followers, President Bush has decided to declare September 25 through 28 cubic time day. Here are some excerpts from his declaration: 

"From my first days in office until now, I have been receiving letters from Dr. Gene Ray telling me that I could never understand or solve America's problems until I understood the true nature of time. He insisted that in every rotation of the earth, there are four simultaneous days, a "Time Cube." At first, these seemed like the ramblings and ravings of a highly disturbed mind. After a while, I noticed things that led me to believe he is really on to something. There are too many things happening in a day for only 24 hours. There has to be more somehow. For this reason, I have decided to declare the Twenty-fifth of September until the Twenty-eighth of September to be Cubic Time Day. I still don't really understand the Time Cube, but I have ordered all agencies and branches of the US government to study it at that time and figure out what has been going on that we have all been missing. I think that there are better days ahead as soon as we have a better grasp on this."

Bush went on to write: "For a long time, we have been aware that men like Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden have been plotting every day to harm America and Americans. We may now have the key to stop these terrorists forever, and win the War On Terror. Once we figure out nature's harmonious 4-day Time Cube, we will have four days to the terrorists' one. We will be three days ahead of the evil-doers. God Bless Dr. Gene Ray. God Bless the Time Cube, and God Bless America.


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