PARANOID TEABAGGERS WON'T ANSWER CENSUS
By Colleen Smith, Staff Reporter
Since the beginning of civilization itself, nations have needed to know who lives inside their borders. The United States is no exception, and has always taken a census every ten years. As the Constitution says in Article I, Section 2 Clause 3: The actual Enumeration shall be made within three Years after the first Meeting of the Congress of the United States, and within every subsequent Term of ten Years, in such Manner as they shall by Law direct. In spite of this, an alarming number are treating the census as if it were something new and unwelcome. Many are refusing to answer, especially those in the right wing tea party movement, dubbed "teabaggers" by their critics. I tried to find out just why they were so afraid of the census, a task that two of my colleagues could not complete. The teabaggers would not talk to Naven Jones, a freelance journalist who frequently works with The Uncoveror, because he is African-American. They also objected to the questions my fellow staff reporter Ben Radstein asked. I guess they found me less threatening.
I spoke to Billy Joe Mumford about the census, and he said, "I'll never answer the dang thing. Barack Hussein Obama and all the Jews, Muslims and blacks in Washington are making a list of who and where all the white Christians are. It's a conspiracy! It's all right there in his name. Barack is a Jewish name. Hussein is a Muslim Arab name, and Obama is African!" I told him that census forms did not even ask religion, but he did not believe a word of it, so I didn't try to argue.
I then spoke to Mildred Baines, who also was angry. "I don't know where those clowns in Washington get off claiming they need to know all this stuff all the sudden. I'm not going to tell them I am white so they can decide I am too rich, and raise my taxes for more welfare! We need to get back to the good old days." I told her that the census is done every ten years, and is nothing new. She responded, "Didn't those godless commies in the Soviet Union have ten year plans? That is what it sounds like to me."
There are problems when people refuse to answer. If enough people are not counted, an area could lose its Congressman as well as federal funding for schools, roads and a host of other things that are based on the population of a given area. The census has always been necessary, and always will be, but you can never argue with crazy people. It just makes them cling to their outrageous notions even more. They think everything is some kind of conspiracy.
The lunatic fringe even has friends in Washington like Congresswoman Michelle Bachman. (R-MN) She says that her family will not answer the census, and is encouraging her constituents not to. It may have never occurred to her that one of the congressional districts that could go "poof" if it is undercounted is hers.
We will have to wait and see how this turns out. We probably cannot get an accurate count this time, thanks to the tinfoil hat crowd. Paranoia will destroy ya, as an old song says.