BRITNEY SPEARS HAS COOTIES
They made her hair fall out
By Benji Radstein, son of Staff reporter Ben Radstein
Ooh, gross! Look at Britney's ugly bald head. She got cooties, and they made her hair
fall out, but who did she get them from? It probably wasn't Kevin Federline,
cause he's been out of her house for a long time now, but someone gave them to
her. Maybe it was Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan. Britney's been hanging out with
them for a while.
One time, there was a cooties outbreak at my school, and
Joey and Tiffany were scratching and itching all day. They made us all get a
special shampoo in case the cooties got on us too. Those little bugs are so
nasty. They make you just like a dog with fleas.
I don't know why the doctors
didn't give Britney that special shampoo before it got this far. Now, she just
looks so ugly. If she still has some cooties they could jump on other
people, too. Maybe she should put a bag on her head. I heard that someone at
another school across town got cooties so bad once that they died. I hope
Britney doesn't die. She looked so pretty when she had her old blonde hair. I
hope that the blonde hair grows back if they can get rid of the cooties, or she
might look like a dog's butt for the rest of her life. That would suck! I wonder
if that's what happened to Sinead O'Connor too?