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Our Current Headlines:

THE SUPREME COURT HAS KILLED DEMOCRACY

IS THE NFL RIGGED?

VINCE MCMAHON MAKES ELIZABETH LAMBERT AN OFFER

WAL-MART WANTS TO BANKRUPT THE GIRL SCOUTS

HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS CONFUSED ABOUT MOON LANDING

Guest Writer: Super Fan

BUSH DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT ALL THE FUSS IS ABOUT IN IRAN

Guest Writer: HE LIKES ME -- DOESN'T HE?

Guest Writer: FIRST ENCOUNTERS -- NOT A TIME FOR FAIRY TALES

Guest Writer: RESOLUTIONS,THEY'RE NOT JUST FOR THE OTHER GUY

MAN WINS NCAA OFFICE POOL WITH HELP FROM PSYCHIC

EMERGENCY SERVICES ARE NOT IMPORTANT, THE IDIOT BOX IS

OLIVER BOOTH IS A LOAD OF LAUGHS

Guest Writer: RESOLUTIONS,THEY'RE NOT JUST FOR THE OTHER GUY

Guest Writer: DIVAS,THEY'RE JUST LIKE YOU AND ME

WHITE NOISE GENERATORS MAKING BROWN NOTE

Guest Writer: LONG JOHN SILVER FOR PRESIDENT

Guest Writer: WHICH CANDIDATE WOULD MAKE A BETTER PIRATE?

NUCLEAR LIGHT BULBS TO MAKE CF OBSOLETE

SIX DEGREES OF BALONEY

Guest Writer: LAWYERS AND PIRATES

Guest Writer: SOMALIA, LONG JOHN SILVER AND THE U.N.

ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES TO BECOME A BROADWAY MUSICAL

POLL FINDS MAJORITY OF AMERICANS THINK ELECTORAL COLLEGE IS A SCHOOL

NEW AIRPORT SCANNERS ALLOW TSA PERVERTS TO SEE US AU NATURAL

YET ANOTHER MARS PROBE HOAX

WHO IS THE IDIOT WHO CAME UP WITH GLOSSY SCREENS?

MOTHER'S DAY IS NOT WIVES DAY

MCCAIN ANNOUNCES HIS RUNNING MATE: DICK CHENEY

EDITORIAL: HANDICAPPED SHOPPING CARTS ARE BEING ABUSED

WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE! KILLER ASTEROID TO HIT EARTH IN 2036

NEW YORK GIANTS ARE THE CHEATER DEFEATERS

RELIGIOUS BELIEFS ON DISPLAY AT REPUBLICAN DEBATE

MADAME LAROQUE'S PSYCHIC PREDICTIONS UNSEALED

CONGRESS BARS NASA FROM MARS MISSIONS

CHINA'S WAR ON US WITHOUT FIRING A SHOT

PARIS HILTON'S RELEASE SADDENS AUTHOR OF "CRUCIFY PARIS HILTON" PETITION

NEW HOST OF "THE PRICE IS RIGHT" GILBERT GOTTFRIED

ACADEMY'S SNOOTY SNOBS SNUB SNAKES

BRITNEY SPEARS HAS COOTIES

CINCINNATI BENGALS UNVEIL NEW UNIFORMS

GERALDO RIVERA TO OPEN SADDAM HUSSEIN'S VAULTS

THE UNCOVEROR HAS BEEN JOE JOBBED

REPUBLICAN PLAYBOOK STOLEN FROM WHITEHOUSE

PROFESSOR WOULD MOVE CHRISTMAS

ELMO BUSTED FOR SMUGGLING METH

ED E. DRUCKMAN SAYS WHAT OTHERS WON'T

STOP THE RIGHT WING WAR ON HALLOWEEN

BUSH DECLARES SEPTEMBER 25 THROUGH 28 CUBIC TIME DAY

ICE GEYSERS ON MARS OR ZHTI TI KOFFT EXHAUST VENTS?

TONY SNOW EXPLAINS WHY IRAQ IS NOT A CIVIL WAR

TRIX RABBIT 1958-2006

TRUSTED COMPUTING IS A PLOT BY CHINESE SPIES

BUSH WILL DISPATCH NATIONAL GUARD TO STOP GAY MARRIAGE

UNCOVEROR EXCLUSIVE: SASKRA NOT EXTINCT. SURVIVING SPECIMEN FOUND AND CLONED.

NEW NINTENDO PORTABLE TO BE CALLED "WEEWII"

FREE SECOND DIP LEADS TO VIOLENCE AT ICE CREAM PARLOR

AMERICAN IDOL RIGGED! VOTES COUNTED ON DIEBOLD HARDWARE.

BUSH VISITS INDIA AND PAKISTAN. GREETS INDIAN PRIME MINISTER WITH "HOW KEMOSABE".

NEW SPORT OF BOBSLED CURLING ENDS DISASTROUSLY

ANGRY ABOUT UNSUCCESSFUL HUNT, CHENEY SHOOTS FRIEND.

SEVEN DEAD AND DOZENS INJURED IN BLACK FRIDAY RIOTS

THE CASE AGAINST INTELLIGENT DESIGN

STAR TREK FANS DISAPPOINTED IN NEW FOX SHOW "BONES"

EDITORIAL: ANGELS PAUL BYRD THROWING SPITBALLS

EDITORIAL: DOES NANCY ZIMPHER WANT A WHITER UNIVERSITY OF CINCINNATI?

AN XMAS CARD FROM UNCOVEROR TO FARK

UPDATED! WHAT WERE THE SUPREME COURT THINKING?

THAT WAS NO VIRUS

PARIS HILTON DITCHES "THAT STUPID DOG"

EDITORIAL: COPYRIGHT LAWYERS BULLYING THE UNCOVEROR

CANADA AND DENMARK AT THE BRINK OF WAR

PIRATE'S TREASURE HIDDEN IN CINCINNATI PARK

BUSH WILL NOMINATE JUDGE WAPNER TO SUPREME COURT

"PERVERTO" GONZALES STRIPS LADY JUSTICE

LIFE COACHES ASSEMBLING ARMY OF "MANCHURIAN CANDIDATES"

NEW USDA PYRAMID SCHEME WILL RUIN OUR HEALTH

THE ROBOTIC SUBWAYMEN: ROBOTS MAKING MUSIC

PRINCE CHARLES REGRETS NOT BEING ABLE TO KILL REPORTERS

ALABAMA FRIED CHICKEN?

PRESIDENT BUSH DROPS FIRST DOG BARNEY

MINIATURE COWS: AMERICA'S LATEST PET CRAZE

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THE SUPREME COURT HAS KILLED DEMOCRACY

Mussolini said that Fascism should rightly be called Corporatism, as it is the merger of corporate and government power. Now that the Supreme Court has ruled in a 5-4 split decision that a corporation is a person, and that its political donations are free speech, we now have what Mussolini was talking about right here and now. Scalia, Thomas, Roberts, Alito and Kennedy are partisan hacks doing the bidding of the Republican Party and the corporations that own it, not the neutral jurists we were taught that they were supposed to be in school. They are unfit for the bench in any court, especially the highest court in the land. While they are at it, they should declare all laws against bribery unconstitutional. Since bribery is free speech when corporations bribe politicians, it should be alright for everyone. Read More

IS THE NFL RIGGED?

For years, I have heard people saying that the NFL has a few teams it favors, and a few teams it dislikes, and that the league has instructed officials to help favored teams, and pick on disfavored teams. I had written this off as sour grapes from the fans of losing teams, but what they say seems more believable all the time. If it is true, game rigging would be very easy. A few missed calls here and a few bogus calls there would be all it would take.
In the divisional playoff game between the New York Jets and the San Diego Chargers, I don't think the Jets were ever called for holding, though I saw offensive linemen with two fists full of blue jersey several times. They had gotten away with the same against the Cincinnati Bengals just one week before that. Pass interference being called or not called is another thing that frequently leaves me scratching my head. Read More

VINCE MCMAHON MAKES ELIZABETH LAMBERT AN OFFER

By now, most of us have probably seen the vicious attacks by University of New Mexico Women's Soccer player Elizabeth Lambert on her Brigham Young competitors. They earned her an indefinite ban from the sport. Though most who saw her actions were shocked and dismayed, and condemned her display of unsportsmanlike conduct, someone liked what he saw.

World Wrestling Entertainment Chairman and CEO Vince McMahon called Lambert offering her a job.

Read More

WAL-MART WANTS TO BANKRUPT THE GIRL SCOUTS

Do you look forward every year to Girl Scout Cookies? I know I do. Tagalongs and especially Thin Mints are irresistibly delicious. I must have them! When some people jokingly refer to Thin Mints as cookie crack, I get it. Wal-Mart is now making rip-offs of those two great cookie recipes. They will be sold under the Great Value line, and will probably be cheaper than the genuine article. Buy them, and the money goes to an evil mega-corporation sending jobs to China, and selling American consumers dangerous and lead-tainted Chinese products, not to a charitable organization that has helped raise our daughters to be good citizens for generations.
Read More

HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS CONFUSED ABOUT MOON LANDING

A poll was recently taken just before the end of the past school year about the upcoming fortieth anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing. I met a student who thought he knew about it, and even gave a presentation to his class. He repeated the presentation for me...
"The Moon Landing. Back in the hippie days of the sixties, not everyone was protesting and getting high. We actually put two men on the moon. That was real cool!...Their names were Stretch Armstrong and Buzz Lightyear."
Read More

BUSH DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUSS IS ALL ABOUT IN IRAN

Unless you have been in a cave, you know that there is widespread unrest after the Iranian presidential election. Crowds of protestors insist that the election was a fraud, and that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had not won re-election. I asked former President George W. Bush what he thought of events there, and his comments took me completely by surprise.
"Here in America, people don't riot over a rigged election. We have them all the time! Most people know that elections are just a show like pro rasslin'. That is why so many don't even vote. Hell, I have never once been legitimately elected to public office, but it is no big deal. There is a ruling class, and a following class. It is decided which one you are part of when you are born most
of the time." Read More

MAN WINS NCAA OFFICE POOL WITH HELP FROM PSYCHIC

Madame Sophia LaRoque has done it again. A local man came to her shop in New Orleans to get her help filling out an NCAA tournament bracket for his office pool, which would deliver a big prize to the most accurate one. Not only did her predictions win his office pool, but she produced a perfect bracket, a statistical near impossibility! I spoke to "Steve" as I will call him to protect his identity from his office mates who would call him a cheater, and possibly hurt him.

"After reading about her predictions for the year 2008", said Steve, "I had to try asking her to fill out my tournament bracket. She was reluctant at first, but finally agreed at a fee much higher than she usually charges. Although I paid her a lot, it was much less than what I won in the office pool. It really blew everyone's mind at the office. I even got an extra payoff from the boss who bet that no one could fill out a bracket with every single game right."
Read More

EMERGENCY SERVICES ARE NOT IMPORTANT, THE IDIOT BOX IS

The US Senate has passed a proposal by Senate Commerce Chairman John Rockefeller (D-West Virginia) to delay the transition to digital television from February 17 to June 12. He says that people just aren't ready. The bill would also allow more $40 off coupons toward digital converter boxes to be issued. I have a big problem with this. People who are not ready for the changeover now won't be in June, in 2010, in 2011, or ever. They are confused by anything remotely technical, and have VCRs flashing 12:00. These people will never "get it" until their TVs make snow no matter how many millions or billions of taxpayer dollars are spent trying to explain it. It also doesn't help that most of them think "converter" means "cable box".
Read More

OLIVER BOOTH IS A LOAD OF LAUGHS

I just finished reading a very enjoyable and funny book entitled The Misadventures of Oliver Booth: Life in the Lap of Luxury by David Desmond. This satirical novel presents a look into the lives of Palm Beach Florida's elite, and a man named Oliver Booth who hopes to get their money from them through his antique shop. Oliver is a grossly overweight, rude and somewhat abusive boor of a man who wears tacky polyester suits. For some reason, thinks he is "all that". Oliver doesn't really sell antiques, but Mexican made reproductions of them he hopes to pass off a genuine French ones, and sell for outrageous markups. He has enjoyed little success ripping off people in this manner, as a pile of unpaid bills on his desk demonstrate. His biggest goal it to get his fat sweaty hands on the money of Margaret Van Buren, an aging widow who is quite possibly the wealthiest person in Palm Beach.
Read More

WHITE NOISE GENERATORS MAKING BROWN NOTE
A lot of people have trouble sleeping in complete silence. Sound, however, can put them into dreamland just like a mother's lullaby. Because of this, many doctors have prescribed sound making machines to help their patients get the rest they need. These noise machines can make whale song, waves, waterfalls, twittering birds and several other sounds from nature, but the most popular and effective are white noise generators. They make a sound similar to a TV tuned to a channel that is off the air.
Lately, a terrible and messy problem has plagued many users of this electronic sleep aid. White noise generators are malfunctioning during the night, and making the brown note. For those unfamiliar with the term, the brown note is a low frequency or range of low frequencies which, at adequate sound pressure levels, will cause a loss of bowel control. My research seems to be showing that only one brand of white noise generators is affected by this flaw, but it is among the biggest names in the industry. Read More

NUCLEAR LIGHT BULBS TO MAKE CF OBSOLETE
I recently learned that a revolutionary new lightbulb had been invented by Energon Thermodynamics, one that promises to make all others obsolete. I am interviewing Larry Trudeau, their CEO about it.
A lot of us have abandoned incandescent bulbs in favor of more efficient CF (compact fluorescent) light bulbs. While they use less energy than the old style, they still do require you to pay your local gas and electric company each month. Energon Thermodynamics has one-upped them big time with nuclear light bulbs. They generate their own energy, so after the initial investment of buying them, you are finished paying for them. All you need to do is turn them on. You can even leave them on if you like
Read More

SIX DEGREES OF BALONEY

There are no more than six degrees of separation between any two people, so you may have heard. Everyone you know is one degree away, everyone they know is two, and everyone they know is three degrees away. With six hops between people you know and so on, you should find a connection between you and anyone else, such as Kevin Bacon. There was a study done at Columbia University in 2003 to determine whether this is so, and they claim to have confirmed it.
In spite of the fact that the numbers do not justify the conclusion they claimed, no one in the press until now has taken them to task for it. I will. Read More

POLL FINDS MAJORITY THINK ELECTORAL COLLEGE IS A SCHOOL

A joint study by Brandine University and The Helvetica Institute recently looked into Americans' understanding of the presidential election process. Their findings indicate that the public knows very little about how the process works, and much of what they think they know is wrong. Among other mistaken ideas, a majority of the American public thinks that The Electoral College is a school. These are the very people who will be choosing our next President.
“I was taken aback,” said Dr. Janis Thayne of Brandine University. “How can so many be so misinformed?” Read More

NEW AIRPORT SCANNERS ALLOW TSA PERVERTS TO SEE US AU NATURAL

The Transportation Security Administration, as you may know, was formed in the aftermath of September 11, 2001. It replaced private security at airports with a federal government agency. Many investigative journalists have found them to be no more effective than the old private security guards, and possibly less so. Many critics have feared that this agency would become too powerful, and would abuse that power. Their fears have come true. A new security scanner allows them to see us naked. Peeping toms won't even need to hide in the shrubs any more.

...The TSA claims that the images of people they are screening are immediately deleted once the scans are complete. Baloney! Why just ogle a woman once? Take a picture. It will last longer. There is no way that these pictures are not going to end up on the internet.
Read More

YET ANOTHER MARS PROBE HOAX

NASA has successfully landed a probe at Mars' north pole to drill for signs of water, which would likely indicate life, at least in the distant past. This is great news for space enthusiasts and science itself, considering that Mars Polar Lander crashed. If you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you. This is a hoax NASA is perpetuating to sell the idea that they aren't just one failure after another. They pull off one of these charades every time they are cash strapped, and need funding from Congress...
Mars is red, and a desert. So is much of The Copper State. That makes it very simple for them to hire a few Hollywood types, and create a ruse like this. Read More

WHO IS THE IDIOT WHO CAME UP WITH GLOSSY SCREENS?

We just got new laptops here at The Uncoveror, and I hate them. These new glossy screens have to be the dumbest thing since the CueCat or Microsoft Bob. Look at this picture! I can see the light fixture above me and the window behind me like I am looking in a mirror, but the image on the screen? Not so much.

... I have been looking for some kind of anti-glare filter to put over this screen since the day the purchasing department foisted these glorious marvels of modern technology upon us, and no one seems to make one. How could anyone think that we would like these awful screens? Read More

EDITORIAL: HANDICAPPED SHOPPING CARTS ARE BEING ABUSED

I am going to use this column to speak my peace about something that really irritates me: Lazy fat people hogging the handicapped shopping carts. When genuinely disabled people come to shop, there are often none available. I have watched in disgust as genuinely disabled folks struggle to shop in their wheelchairs with a basket across their lap, or a regular cart in front of their wheelchair. You may have seen them too. People who are able bodied need to get up, get a regular cart, and push it. Read More

WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE! KILLER ASTEROID TO HIT EARTH IN 2036

Apophis, an asteroid that will pass terribly close to earth in 2029, and even closer in 2036 has been in the news lately. According to NASA and the European Space Agency, there is a 1 in 45000 that this giant space rock will hit the earth. Recently, a 13 year old boy in Germany named Nico Marquardt checked their math for a school science project and found that there were two extra zeroes at the end of NASA's figure. He calculated the odds as 1 in 450. If only it were that unlikely.

Dr. Franklin Nelson Stine of Brandine University has looked over both sets of figures, and has recalculated them. He had this to say: "We are all doomed. If Apophis does miss us in 2029, and it might not, then it will definitely hit the Earth in 2036. The odds are 1 in 1. It will happen. Read More

CONGRESS BARS NASA FROM MARS MISSIONS
The US Congress does not want NASA to consider any manned mission to Mars. They are writing this ban into HR 3093, an appropriations bill that includes NASA's 2008 budget. The bill states that NASA may not pursue "development or demonstration activity related exclusively to Human Exploration of Mars." The language of the bill goes on to say why... "NASA has too much on its plate already, and the President is welcome to include adequate funding for the Human Mars Initiative in a budget amendment or subsequent year funding requests."

So, all President Bush has to do is fund Mars missions separately? Is that really the whole story? I suspected not. Read More

CHINA'S WAR ON US WITHOUT FIRING A SHOT
You are bound to have heard or read about defective and dangerous Chinese products by now. You may have been tempted to write it off as greedy businessmen trying to grab a quick Yuan, the inevitable result of China embracing capitalism and a market economy. After all, didn't the greedy robber barons of the 19th century pull stuff like this? That is not what is going on at all! China has silently declared war on the United States and many other nations. They are using unorthodox methods of attack that we will not fight back against effectively, since we do not even realize we are under attack. Read More

ELMO BUSTED FOR SMUGGLING METH

Sesame Street's Elmo has been caught doing something that no true children's role model would ever do: smuggling methamphetamine into Colorado from California. The little red miscreant was among 19 muppets in custody and two who are still at large, authorities said. They are assumed to be armed and dangerous.

"When we slapped the cuffs on the little bastard, he shouted 'that tickles! hee hee hee hee!' and began to twitch and wiggle violently. He was obviously hopped up on something..." Read More

ED E DRUCKMAN SAYS WHAT OTHERS WON'T

Courtesy of Unconfirmed sources, Ed E. Druckman has something to say and doesn't hold it back, unlike the talking heads in the mainstream media who don't dare to say anything that might offend an advertiser. The Cowards!
From Britney to Bush, he gives his views on everything. Watch his Ed E Torials Here.

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