THE
UNCOVERORRevealing the things they don't want you to know.
It's the real news!
THE
UNCOVEROR
BUSH DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUSS IS ALL ABOUT IN IRAN Unless you have been in a cave, you know that there is
widespread unrest after the Iranian presidential election. Crowds of protestors insist that the election was
a fraud, and that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had not won re-election. I asked
former President George W. Bush what he thought of events there, and his comments took me completely by surprise.
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MAN WINS NCAA OFFICE POOL WITH HELP FROM PSYCHIC"After reading about her predictions for the year 2008", said Steve, "I had to try asking her to fill out my tournament bracket. She was reluctant at first, but finally agreed at a fee much higher than she usually charges. Although I paid her a lot, it was much less than what I won in the office pool. It really blew everyone's mind at the office. I even got an extra payoff from the boss who bet that no one could fill out a bracket with every single game right." |
EMERGENCY SERVICES ARE NOT IMPORTANT, THE IDIOT BOX IS The
US Senate has passed a proposal by Senate Commerce Chairman John Rockefeller
(D-West Virginia) to delay the transition to digital television from February 17
to June 12. He says that people just aren't ready. The bill would also allow
more $40 off coupons toward digital converter boxes to be issued. I have a big
problem with this. People who are not ready for the changeover now won't be in
June, in 2010, in 2011, or ever. They are confused by anything remotely
technical, and have VCRs flashing 12:00. These people will never "get it" until
their TVs make snow no matter how many millions or billions of taxpayer dollars
are spent trying to explain it. It also doesn't help that most of them think
"converter" means "cable box". |
OLIVER BOOTH IS A LOAD OF LAUGHS I just
finished reading a very enjoyable and funny book entitled The Misadventures
of Oliver Booth: Life in the Lap of Luxury by David Desmond. This satirical
novel presents a look into the lives of Palm Beach Florida's elite, and a man
named Oliver Booth who hopes to get their money from them through his antique
shop. Oliver is a grossly overweight, rude and somewhat abusive boor of a man
who wears tacky polyester suits. For some reason, thinks he is "all that".
Oliver doesn't really sell antiques, but Mexican made reproductions of them he
hopes to pass off a genuine French ones, and sell for outrageous markups. He has
enjoyed little success ripping off people in this manner, as a pile of unpaid
bills on his desk demonstrate. His biggest goal it to get his fat sweaty hands
on the money of Margaret Van Buren, an aging widow who is quite possibly the
wealthiest person in Palm Beach. |
WHITE NOISE GENERATORS MAKING BROWN NOTE A lot of people have trouble sleeping in complete silence. Sound, however, can put them into dreamland just like a mother's lullaby. Because of this, many doctors
have prescribed sound making machines to help their patients get the rest they need. These noise machines can make whale song, waves, waterfalls, twittering birds
and several other sounds from nature, but the most popular and effective are white noise generators. They make a sound similar to a TV tuned to a channel that is off the air.
Lately, a terrible and messy problem has plagued many users of this electronic sleep aid. White noise generators are malfunctioning during the night, and making the brown note. For those unfamiliar with the term, the brown note is a low frequency or range of low frequencies which, at adequate sound pressure levels, will cause a loss of bowel control. My research seems to be showing that only one brand of white noise generators is affected by this flaw, but it is among the biggest names in the industry. Read More |
NUCLEAR LIGHT BULBS TO MAKE CF OBSOLETE I recently learned that a revolutionary new lightbulb had been invented by Energon Thermodynamics, one that promises to make all others obsolete.
I am interviewing Larry Trudeau, their CEO about it.
A lot of us have abandoned incandescent bulbs in favor of more efficient CF (compact
fluorescent) light bulbs.
While they use less energy than the old style, they still do require you to pay your local gas and electric company each month. Energon Thermodynamics has one-upped
them big time with nuclear light bulbs. They generate their own energy, so after the initial investment of buying them, you are finished paying for them.
All you need to do is turn them on. You can even leave them on if you like
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SIX DEGREES OF BALONEY
In spite of the fact that the numbers do not justify the conclusion they claimed, no one in the press until now has taken them to task for it. I will. Read More |
POLL FINDS MAJORITY THINK ELECTORAL COLLEGE IS A SCHOOL A joint study by Brandine University and The Helvetica Institute recently looked into Americans' understanding of the presidential election process.
Their findings indicate that the public knows very little about how the process works, and much of what they think they know is wrong. Among other mistaken ideas,
a majority of the American public thinks that The Electoral College is a school. These are the very people who will be choosing our next President.
“I was taken aback,” said Dr. Janis Thayne of Brandine University. “How can so many be so misinformed?” Read More |
NEW AIRPORT SCANNERS ALLOW TSA PERVERTS TO SEE US AU NATURAL
 The Transportation Security Administration, as you may know,
was formed in the aftermath of September 11, 2001. It replaced private security at
airports with a federal government agency. Many investigative journalists have found
them to be no more effective than the old private security guards, and possibly less so.
Many critics have feared that this agency would become too powerful, and would abuse that power.
Their fears have come true. A new security scanner allows them to see us naked.
Peeping toms won't even need to hide in the shrubs any more.
...The TSA claims that the images of people they are screening are immediately deleted once the scans are complete. Baloney! Why just ogle a woman once? Take a picture. It will last longer. There is no way that these pictures are not going to end up on the internet. |
YET ANOTHER MARS PROBE HOAX
 NASA
has successfully landed a probe at Mars' north pole to drill for signs of water,
which would likely indicate life, at least in the distant past. This is great
news for space enthusiasts and science itself, considering that Mars Polar
Lander crashed. If you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you. This is a hoax
NASA is perpetuating to sell the idea that they aren't just one failure after
another. They pull off one of these charades every time they are cash strapped,
and need funding from Congress...Mars is red, and a desert. So is much of The Copper State. That makes it very simple for them to hire a few Hollywood types, and create a ruse like this. Read More |
WHO IS THE IDIOT WHO CAME UP WITH GLOSSY SCREENS?
 We just got new laptops here at The Uncoveror, and I hate them. These new glossy
screens have to be the dumbest thing since the
CueCat or Microsoft Bob. Look at this picture! I can see the light fixture above
me and the window behind me like I am looking in a mirror,
but the image on the screen? Not so much.... I have been looking for some kind of anti-glare filter to put over this screen since the day the purchasing department foisted these glorious marvels of modern technology upon us, and no one seems to make one. How could anyone think that we would like these awful screens? Read More |
EDITORIAL: HANDICAPPED SHOPPING CARTS ARE BEING ABUSED
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WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE! KILLER ASTEROID TO HIT EARTH IN 2036
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CONGRESS BARS NASA FROM MARS MISSIONS |
CHINA'S WAR ON US WITHOUT FIRING A SHOT |
ELMO BUSTED FOR SMUGGLING METH
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ED E DRUCKMAN SAYS WHAT OTHERS WON'T
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I am going to use this column to speak my peace about something that really
irritates me: Lazy fat people hogging the handicapped shopping carts. When
genuinely disabled people come to shop, there are often none available. I have
watched in disgust as genuinely disabled folks struggle to shop in their
wheelchairs with a basket across their lap, or a regular cart in front of their
wheelchair. You may have seen them too. People who are able bodied need to get
up, get a regular cart, and push it.
Apophis, an asteroid that will pass terribly close to earth in 2029, and even
closer in 2036 has been in the news lately. According to NASA and the European
Space Agency, there is a 1 in 45000 that this giant space rock will hit the
earth. Recently, a 13 year old boy in Germany named Nico Marquardt checked their
math for a school science project and found that there were two extra zeroes at
the end of NASA's figure. He calculated the odds as 1 in 450. If only it were
that unlikely.
The US Congress does not want NASA to consider any manned mission to Mars. They
are writing this ban into HR 3093, an appropriations bill that includes NASA's
2008 budget. The bill states that NASA may not pursue "development or
demonstration activity related exclusively to Human Exploration of Mars." The
language of the bill goes on to say why... "NASA has too much on its plate
already, and the President is welcome to include adequate funding for the Human
Mars Initiative in a budget amendment or subsequent year funding requests."
You are bound to have heard or read about defective and dangerous Chinese products by now. You may have been tempted to write it off as greedy businessmen trying to
grab a quick Yuan, the inevitable result of China embracing capitalism and a market economy. After all, didn't the greedy robber barons of the 19th century pull stuff
like this? That is not what is going on at all! China has silently declared war on the United States and many other nations. They are using unorthodox methods of attack
that we will not fight back against effectively, since we do not even realize we are under attack.
Sesame Street's Elmo has been caught doing something that no true children's role model would ever do:
smuggling
methamphetamine into Colorado from California. The little red miscreant was among 19 muppets in custody and two who are
still at large, authorities said. They are assumed to be armed and dangerous.
Courtesy of Unconfirmed sources, Ed E. Druckman has something to say and doesn't hold it back, unlike the talking heads in the mainstream media who don't
dare to say anything that might offend an advertiser. The Cowards!