cartoon detectiveTHE UNCOVEROR
Revealing the things they don't want you to know.
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Our Current Headlines:

WHO IS THE IDIOT WHO CAME UP WITH GLOSSY SCREENS?

MOTHER'S DAY IS NOT WIVES DAY

MCCAIN ANNOUNCES HIS RUNNING MATE: DICK CHENEY

EDITORIAL: HANDICAPPED SHOPPING CARTS ARE BEING ABUSED

WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE! KILLER ASTEROID TO HIT EARTH IN 2036

NEW YORK GIANTS ARE THE CHEATER DEFEATERS

RELIGIOUS BELIEFS ON DISPLAY AT REPUBLICAN DEBATE

MADAME LAROQUE'S PSYCHIC PREDICTIONS UNSEALED

CONGRESS BARS NASA FROM MARS MISSIONS

CHINA'S WAR ON US WITHOUT FIRING A SHOT

PARIS HILTON'S SADDENS AUTHOR OF "CRUCIFY PARIS HILTON" PETITION

NEW HOST OF "THE PRICE IS RIGHT" GILBERT GOTTFRIED

ACADEMY'S SNOOTY SNOBS SNUB SNAKES

BRITNEY SPEARS HAS COOTIES

CINCINNATI BENGALS UNVEIL NEW UNIFORMS

GERALDO RIVERA TO OPEN SADDAM HUSSEIN'S VAULTS

THE UNCOVEROR HAS BEEN JOE JOBBED

REPUBLICAN PLAYBOOK STOLEN FROM WHITEHOUSE

PROFESSOR WOULD MOVE CHRISTMAS

ELMO BUSTED FOR SMUGGLING METH

ED E. DRUCKMAN SAYS WHAT OTHERS WON'T

STOP THE RIGHT WING WAR ON HALLOWEEN

BUSH DECLARES SEPTEMBER 25 THROUGH 28 CUBIC TIME DAY

ICE GEYSERS ON MARS OR ZHTI TI KOFFT EXHAUST VENTS?

TONY SNOW EXPLAINS WHY IRAQ IS NOT A CIVIL WAR

TRIX RABBIT 1958-2006

TRUSTED COMPUTING IS A PLOT BY CHINESE SPIES

BUSH WILL DISPATCH NATIONAL GUARD TO STOP GAY MARRIAGE

UNCOVEROR EXCLUSIVE: SASKRA NOT EXTINCT. SURVIVING SPECIMEN FOUND AND CLONED.

NEW NINTENDO PORTABLE TO BE CALLED "WEEWII"

FREE SECOND DIP LEADS TO VIOLENCE AT ICE CREAM PARLOR

AMERICAN IDOL RIGGED! VOTES COUNTED ON DIEBOLD HARDWARE.

BUSH VISITS INDIA AND PAKISTAN. GREETS INDIAN PRIME MINISTER WITH "HOW KEMOSABE".

NEW SPORT OF BOBSLED CURLING ENDS DISASTROUSLY

ANGRY ABOUT UNSUCCESSFUL HUNT, CHENEY SHOOTS FRIEND.

SEVEN DEAD AND DOZENS INJURED IN BLACK FRIDAY RIOTS

THE CASE AGAINST INTELLIGENT DESIGN

STAR TREK FANS DISAPPOINTED IN NEW FOX SHOW "BONES"

EDITORIAL: ANGELS PAUL BYRD THROWING SPITBALLS

EDITORIAL: DOES NANCY ZIMPHER WANT A WHITER UNIVERSITY OF CINCINNATI?

AN XMAS CARD FROM UNCOVEROR TO FARK

UPDATED! WHAT WERE THE SUPREME COURT THINKING?

THAT WAS NO VIRUS

PARIS HILTON DITCHES "THAT STUPID DOG"

EDITORIAL: COPYRIGHT LAWYERS BULLYING THE UNCOVEROR

CANADA AND DENMARK AT THE BRINK OF WAR

PIRATE'S TREASURE HIDDEN IN CINCINNATI PARK

BUSH WILL NOMINATE JUDGE WAPNER TO SUPREME COURT

"PERVERTO" GONZALES STRIPS LADY JUSTICE

LIFE COACHES ASSEMBLING ARMY OF "MANCHURIAN CANDIDATES"

NEW USDA PYRAMID SCHEME WILL RUIN OUR HEALTH

THE ROBOTIC SUBWAYMEN: ROBOTS MAKING MUSIC

PRINCE CHARLES REGRETS NOT BEING ABLE TO KILL REPORTERS

ALABAMA FRIED CHICKEN?

PRESIDENT BUSH DROPS FIRST DOG BARNEY

MINIATURE COWS: AMERICA'S LATEST PET CRAZE

About The Uncoveror

Older Stories Archive

WHO IS THE IDIOT WHO CAME UP WITH GLOSSY SCREENS?

We just got new laptops here at The Uncoveror, and I hate them. These new glossy screens have to be the dumbest thing since the CueCat or Microsoft Bob. Look at this picture! I can see the light fixture above me and the window behind me like I am looking in a mirror, but the image on the screen? Not so much.

... I have been looking for some kind of anti-glare filter to put over this screen since the day the purchasing department foisted these glorious marvels of modern technology upon us, and no one seems to make one. How could anyone think that we would like these awful screens? Read More

 

MOTHER'S DAY IS NOT WIVES DAY

Between advertisements by the jewelry industry and self-obsessed modern women, far too many men are lavishing their wives with expensive gifts on Mother's Day. Sometimes they don't even try to pretend it is from the kids any more. They have forgotten what this day was created for.
... Every year, my daughter-in-law is doted upon with gold, diamonds, pearls and trips to day spas. I am lucky to get a phone call, and that is only when my precious adorable grandchildren, who obviously do not take after her side of the family, say "let's call Grandma!"
Read More

MCCAIN ANNOUNCES HIS RUNNING MATE: DICK CHENEY

Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain has announced his running mate: current VP Dick Cheney. When asked about his choice, The Senator form Arizona had this to say: "There are no term limits for Vice President, and we need continuity to stay on track, so I will have Dick Cheney as my second in command when I am Commander In Chief just as President Bush has these nearly 8 years. With Dick Cheney at my side, I know we can beat the terrorists in Iraq responsible for 9/11. We will stay the course even if it takes a century."
Cheney has already told McCain yes. Some speculate that he has more power than any of us imagine, and simply told McCain that he would stay on as VP. When Cheney was asked about, he said that any of us who don't like it can "go F... ourselves." Read More

EDITORIAL: HANDICAPPED SHOPPING CARTS ARE BEING ABUSED

I am going to use this column to speak my peace about something that really irritates me: Lazy fat people hogging the handicapped shopping carts. When genuinely disabled people come to shop, there are often none available. I have watched in disgust as genuinely disabled folks struggle to shop in their wheelchairs with a basket across their lap, or a regular cart in front of their wheelchair. You may have seen them too. People who are able bodied need to get up, get a regular cart, and push it. Read More

WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE! KILLER ASTEROID TO HIT EARTH IN 2036

Apophis, an asteroid that will pass terribly close to earth in 2029, and even closer in 2036 has been in the news lately. According to NASA and the European Space Agency, there is a 1 in 45000 that this giant space rock will hit the earth. Recently, a 13 year old boy in Germany named Nico Marquardt checked their math for a school science project and found that there were two extra zeroes at the end of NASA's figure. He calculated the odds as 1 in 450. If only it were that unlikely.

Dr. Franklin Nelson Stine of Brandine University has looked over both sets of figures, and has recalculated them. He had this to say: "We are all doomed. If Apophis does miss us in 2029, and it might not, then it will definitely hit the Earth in 2036. The odds are 1 in 1. It will happen. Read More

NEW YORK GIANTS ARE THE CHEATER DEFEATERS

The New England Patriots bid for a perfect season ended today when the New York Giants defeated them 17 to 14 in Super Bowl XLII. Defense was the key to the Giants victory. Tom Brady was sacked five times, and fumbled once when Justin Tuck hit him. He never had time to work. I guess this is what it looks like when the Patriots don't know in advance what an opposing defense is about to throw at them. They certainly had no spying eyes behind the Giants bench with the extra scrutiny Spygate has brought upon them.

...The 1972 Dolphins perfect season remains unmatched. If the Patriots had pulled it off, it would have been a dark day for all of us who play fair, and try to teach kids to respect the rules of the game. It would have taught kids everywhere that the rules are for suckers, and cheating is the way to get ahead. Instead, the old saying that cheaters never prosper rings true. The New England Patriots ended their season a less than perfect 18-1. World Champions in Super Bowl XLII, The New York Giants are the cheater defeaters. It was like an old-time western. The good guys always win. Read More

RELIGIOUS BELIEFS ON DISPLAY AT REPUBLICAN DEBATE

On Thursday, January 10, 2008 before the South Carolina primary, the Republican candidates debated in Myrtle Beach. The event was televised by Fox News.

...After a while, a question from the audience was allowed. A man asked: "You have talked a lot about your religious faith, but to many of us this seems like mere lip service ... What will you do to demonstrate that you are indeed believers, and you are not just pandering to Christian voters?" Read More

MADAME LAROQUE'S PSYCHIC PREDICTIONS UNSEALED

At the end of 2006, famed New Orleans psychic, Madame Sophia LaRoque made her predictions for 2007. These were then sealed up in a bank vault for the year. Now that 2008 is here, we open her sealed prophesy to see if her predictions came true.
I spoke to Madame Laroque by phone before opening the envelope to ask her about her predictions, and how long she has been making them. She told me that she had been a prophetess since she was a little girl, and that her grandmother noticed that she had the gift of second sight when she was only three. Since then, she has read the signs and portents of things to come. She said that she foresaw 2007 as a year of much death and sadness. Without further ado, I will now open the envelope and read her predictions. Read More

CONGRESS BARS NASA FROM MARS MISSIONS
The US Congress does not want NASA to consider any manned mission to Mars. They are writing this ban into HR 3093, an appropriations bill that includes NASA's 2008 budget. The bill states that NASA may not pursue "development or demonstration activity related exclusively to Human Exploration of Mars." The language of the bill goes on to say why... "NASA has too much on its plate already, and the President is welcome to include adequate funding for the Human Mars Initiative in a budget amendment or subsequent year funding requests."

So, all President Bush has to do is fund Mars missions separately? Is that really the whole story? I suspected not. Read More

CHINA'S WAR ON US WITHOUT FIRING A SHOT
You are bound to have heard or read about defective and dangerous Chinese products by now. You may have been tempted to write it off as greedy businessmen trying to grab a quick Yuan, the inevitable result of China embracing capitalism and a market economy. After all, didn't the greedy robber barons of the 19th century pull stuff like this? That is not what is going on at all! China has silently declared war on the United States and many other nations. They are using unorthodox methods of attack that we will not fight back against effectively, since we do not even realize we are under attack. Read More

BRITNEY SPEARS HAS COOTIES
They made her hair fall out

Ooh, gross! Look at Britney's ugly bald head. She got cooties, and they made her hair fall out, but who did she get them from? It probably wasn't Kevin Federline, cause he's been out of her house for a long time now, but someone gave them to her. Maybe it was Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan. Britney's been hanging out with them for a while. Read More.

CINCINNATI BENGALS UNVEIL NEW UNIFORMS

They say a tiger can't change his stripes, but The Cincinnati Bengals are doing it. With the arrest of Jonathan Joseph for Marijuana possession, they have more players arrested than wins this season. Rather than deny that this has happened, or try in vain to change it, team management has decided to embrace their new image as the bad boys of the NFL. They are switching from tiger stripes to prison stripes. Read More.

GERALDO RIVERA TO OPEN SADDAM HUSSEIN'S VAULTS

The former Iraqi dictator, Saddam Hussein shared a confession in his last day of captivity with American forces before he was turned over the the Iraqi government for execution. He had hidden millions in looted treasures deep in a sealed sub-basement below The Baghdad Hotel, and it was still there if some enterprising urban spelunkers wanted to look for it.
This confession made its way to Geraldo Rivera, who was soon convinced he knew just where to look. Coming soon on live TV, Rivera will open Saddam's vaults. Just what might be hidden there? It could it be gold, currency, priceless artworks, dead bodies or even weapons of mass destruction. Read More

REPUBLICAN PLAYBOOK STOLEN FROM WHITE HOUSE

The Republican Party publishes a little red book detailing their electoral strategies, dirty tricks and all. It was meant for their eyes only. During a visit to the White House, Andy Borowitz found President Bush's personal copy which had been carelessly misplaced, and nabbed it. This copy of The Republican Playbook, once belonging to our fearless leader himself, has now been republished exactly as it was when Andy found it: liner notes, doodles and all. Read More

PROFESSOR WOULD MOVE CHRISTMAS

I recently spoke with Dr. Michael Ackley, a Professor of Religious Studies at Brandine University. He says that we are observing Christmas on the wrong day, and that his studies have uncovered the actual date of Jesus' birth: February 29, aka Leap Day. I interviewed him about this.

...In Luke, 2:8 it says "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night." They don't do that in the dead of winter... Read More

ELMO BUSTED FOR SMUGGLING METH

Sesame Street's Elmo has been caught doing something that no true children's role model would ever do: smuggling methamphetamine into Colorado from California. The little red miscreant was among 19 muppets in custody and two who are still at large, authorities said. They are assumed to be armed and dangerous.

"When we slapped the cuffs on the little bastard, he shouted 'that tickles! hee hee hee hee!' and began to twitch and wiggle violently. He was obviously hopped up on something..." Read More

ED E DRUCKMAN SAYS WHAT OTHERS WON'T

Courtesy of Unconfirmed sources, Ed E. Druckman has something to say and doesn't hold it back, unlike the talking heads in the mainstream media who don't dare to say anything that might offend an advertiser. The Cowards!
From Britney to Bush, he gives his views on everything. Watch his Ed E Torials Here.

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